Old Stuff, New Stuff

This last week home has been really weird, slow, and full.

Only a few things of particular interest have happened, but those things have been pretty substantial.

The first big thing was helping my Mom sift through the mezzanine of our quonset hut to find anything worth keeping, and throwing everything else in a dumpster. It was strange to see things I hadn't seen since we left the trailer in Chittenango. So many old memories. It was like searching a vault of time capsules. A bunch of stuff was surprisingly salvageable. I'll probably dedicate my video this weekend to showing off some of my old stuff. I'm really happy I was able to save a lot of it.

Some things, though, were not saved. My first teddy bear, amongst other stuffed animals were damaged from rats and bugs beyond saving. I saved most of my old beanie-baby collection; except for my old favorite.

He was the main hero of all my young adventures:Bear

I had to at least take a picture of him before I let him go. I couldn't get a picture of my first bear because he was so badly mangled. But he too will be sorely missed. I also lost "Big Brown-Bear," his place was usually to play the "wise old man" figure in my fantasies. AGain, no picture.

Of some new things going on, I tried a new vodka flavor: Cake. White Cake to be exact. It's made by UV, a brand I don't recall spending too much time with, but the brand I tried first when I first tried alcohol. But UV's Cake is dangerously tasty, and freakishly accurate to the taste of cake-batter.

Also, I ordered all of my books for my last semester coming up here soon...and I am now very painfully broke.

I got a new phone:

It's my first touchscreen device, and I'm still getting use to it. The most amazing thing to me is that it's still through TracFone.




Then there's this:

The Longstrike that I've been looking to get for some time. Early B-day present >:-3

I think that's about all I have in me to blab about today. I have to get to bed early to wake up at 5 tomorrow morning and work an epic shift. But after buying my books, I am in epic-need of moneys. So here it goes.

Take care,
-Rich

Friendly Apes

Today was interesting. I actually got to hang out with my Dad's Mom, who I call Nanny. She lives with us, and let me borrow her car for all of my practicing. She'll also be away for the weekend I'm leaving for school, so today was basically our day to do anything for my birthday (because she's a grandmother, and she likes to do stuff for her grand kids). So I told her that our old favorite "Dinner and a movie" sounded good.

We use to go and spend time with each other more often when I was younger. So it was really nice to be able to re-live that again. We went to see the new "Planet of the Apes" movie. I honestly thought it was a joke the first time I saw the trailer. Then as more trailers came out, I became more and more curious. Turns out I really liked it. More than I was prepared to. I also can't remember the last time I saw James Franco in something. I sort of knew Nanny would like it; it had that sci-fi action edge to it that she got me in to a while back.

Then we went to Friendly's and had dinner. We each had a different chicken melt. I got to try each; they were both fantastic.

That was about it. Other than tonight being my first time driving such a long distance in the dark (which made me accidentally cut someone off), not much else going on.

Having a drinky time, and playing video games.

I need to order my books soon. I need to find out what books I need first :-p

Then I need to make sure everything is clear for my living arrangements coming up in a week or so.

When all of the time seemed to have gone, what is left suddenly slows to a crawl. Is something coming?

Take care,
-Rich

Six Cylinder Serenade

That is all.


Take care,
-Rich

Staying Thirsty

I threw down $6 for this game called Tropico 3 and well...


I don't always make custom game avatars based on internet memes; but when I do...

 

 ...they kick ass

I like the pirate one the best.

But nothing has yet to top him wearing the General's Uniform (the 2nd down) and single-handedly putting down a rebelion...with a pistol. Why on Earth didn't I record that?!

Anyways, just wanted to share what I've done to honor one of my favorite internet memes.

Take care,

-Rich

Feeling like being obnoxious and making a nonsense post.

Spent some time on Gmod and made this:

I haven't used it in a long time, so I'm more than a but rusty. And unoriginal.

I've also started playing through Deus Ex again, this time trying not to kill or alert anyone. Going well so far. It's actually made it rather fun.

Alright, I'll be back once something interesting happens...maybe.

Take care,
-Rich

Game Time

If I may be permitted to have a nerd moment...

I'm am in distress. These next few months are host to some of the most anticipated release date I have never known. But without going too far into ALL of the things I'm looking forward to...I'll focus on just one for now. Then follow-up by telling you why I am in distress.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

With a trailer like this, how could this game possible live up to it?

Tags: GameTrailers.com, Deus Ex: Human Revolution - CG Director's Cut Trailer HD, PC Games, PlayStation 3, Xbox 360

Seriously...A trailer like that, is way too good to allow any game to possibly match it. But the more I see of the gameplay and such that is coming out for this game, the more I'm thinking: "damn...that might not screw this up after all."

And damn, how chilling are those last words? "It's not the end of the world, but you can see it from here." Shit; gets me every time.

Additionally, this trailer is probably one of the most impressive I've ever seen for a game...mainly because it tries to make it personal. Check this out:

Tags: GameTrailers.com, Deus Ex: Human Revolution - SDCC 11: Purity First Propaganda Trailer HD, PC Games, PlayStation 3, Xbox 360

Now isn't that something? When was the last time you saw a game use live-action like that? And well? Guh...

I'm steadily gaining more and more faith that this will work out...but the more faith I give it, the more I realize I'm setting myself up to be let down.

So to help myself get things into perspective, I played through the original again and feel back in love with it. I just beat it about an hour or so ago.

If you've played it, then just with this you know how things turned out ;-)

Alright, I think that's about it. I just needed to get that out.

Take care,
-Rich

My place, Your time

My self-esteem does really weird things in my subconscious. Weird and cruel things: exactly what I've come to expect from it. Lately I've been waking up from dreams that are vague yet potent. I recall images of influential people in my life blaming me and getting upset with me in the way that I would get upset with myself.
Like: the things I typically criticize myself for, that my self-esteem feeds off of, my subconscious would make those things come out of the mouths of people I could actually be hurt by.
Understanding that a self-perception problem is as easy to dismiss as it is to perpetuate is one thing; because if you're the one doing it to yourself, you can be more introspective and work from there. But if you are given the impression that these rather personal and damaging things are being thrown at you by someone else (not to mention someone influential to you), it becomes a perceived external attack.
Once the damage is done, you feel as if you've been torn inside out.
I wake up with these feelings like I've not only let everyone down who was counting on me, but that I was never anything to them in the first place.
I guess this is why sleep has been weird for me lately. But when I'm tired, what else can I do but sleep? Now, those thoughts aren't the dominant portion of what I'm dreaming about, just usually the last thing I dream about right before I wake up.

Here's the most recent example:
-My Dad was upset with me for playing World of Warcraft, saying that it's why I'll amount to nothing. This made me feel completely and utterly defeated and destroyed inside. But here's the reality of it (what helps me overcome it, and bring myself back together):

-So far as I know, my Dad's never cared what games I play. And since I'm looking to pursue a future in games, I'd like to think he'd encourage my gaming variety to be bold and expansive.

-I don't play World of Warcraft. I never have. And I've personally never been interested. I've dipped my toes in the water of MMORPGs with smaller titles, and they didn't do much for me.

I think that's basically what happened the last time I woke up. There were others, but they were even more vague: I can't even remember who said it. It may also be a perceptual misgiving that these have been happening that often: maybe it was just this morning.

Nevertheless, it's left me with an icky sense of what my subconscious is capable of if I don't take care of it.

In other news, I've been doing something new these last couple weeks that's been rather pleasant: sleeping naked. I don't recall what exactly inspired me to start it, but I haven't turned back since (other than the few days I was away from home sleeping at someone else's place). It's going to be weird living with other people again, and having to be "social acceptable" most of the time.

A bunch of stuff coming up that I'm anxious for, and excited about. I do find myself in an awkward position of not really knowing how to proceed with respect to lining up future endeavors. Things just need to work out.

With some charm and dumb-luck I should pull through as I always have.

Take care,
-Rich

Additionally- Without fail, this continues to make me smile:

Hour Glass

Hold your panties...here's something completely different:



I'm a bit late on the draw with updating this regarding the trip, but honestly...the trip (for anyone who wasn't on it) can be safely summed up in this video:



For the other stuff: We had some nice drinky-time before the big move, drinky-time the night after the big move, and some more drinky-time the night before coming back home. This may explain why I've had a hard time adjusting to being back...but nevertheless, time with friends was well worth the exhaustion and funds.

I feel like something profound can be said about what I may have learned from this whole thing regarding the value of time and people and resources...but I'm honestly still too jet-lagged from road-tripping.

But it was interesting: to be a friend from somewhere else, with a shorter story, try and assist others who have much longer and deeper stories make the most of a common companion's last precious moments in her hometown. Sending her off to start a new story. I hope we worked well enough together to give her not only a memorable send-off, but also a much less stressful settling in to the change. Though most of that will be up to her.

I wonder how long it will be till I can get myself out of here. I don't have as deep-running of a history, or as intimate of a relationship with, the places I have so loosely referred to as "home." When and if I do leave, I don't think I'll feel much of anything. Even if I was given a token send-off; will leaving here really mark a change for my life? A mark that I can remember in the future as significant?

I suppose my concern isn't whether I will feel anything in leaving or not; but more, will anyone be hurt by my wanting to move-on? Will I hurt my friends and family who have stood by me all these years, helping me to feel at "home," if I leave and feel nothing?

I will say and do nothing in times of over-arching confusion and misunderstanding; moving and speaking only when some sense of familiarity is established. Is that inability to move or speak what it is to be afraid? Or am turning inward to defend my cowardice?

Please. Take care.